I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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