i just wanna soil my oats bro
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
