saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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