i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
