his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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