Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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