I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm really busy with my period
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
