I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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