Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
