Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
