So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's shark week go big or go home
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
