Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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