Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize