if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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