I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
