It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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