zippers are such a cool invention
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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