I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
