i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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