I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
