Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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