He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
