Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
