Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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