My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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