Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
