Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
