I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
