it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
