If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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