he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
