Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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