Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
