Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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