Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
