If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
