he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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