I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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