I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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