finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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