So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
