You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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