I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
