Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
