No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
