How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize