i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
