Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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