so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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