I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need water and some morals
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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