This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just had sex on a roof
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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