Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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