You really coming over, don't trick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
