He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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