things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
PANTIES FOUND
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