It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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