we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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