tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
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The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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