I love having hate sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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