I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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