yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
