Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
